Whangamata, New Zealand
Last Sunday our pastor shared the following message that struck me so powerfully, I hurriedly wrote it down so I wouldn't forget it :
" The issue with our culture today is that we believe we can think ourselves into a new way of living... NOT TRUE. What we can do, need to do, is live ourselves into a new way of thinking. "
Part of why I feel this resonated with me so deeply is because of the season of life I am currently experiencing. I have been feeling a mix of emotions lately that pretty much all stem from my undeniably human attitude. Anxiousness, worry, fear, doubt, frustration, restlessness, defeat. These things are not of the Lord... they come from my own self-centered perspective and quite frankly, I'm upset that I'm not getting my way.
I am irritated that I have poured so much time and energy into finding a job that I love (and still don't have). I'm annoyed that I feel stagnant in my creativity and don't have the inspiration or motivation to pursue previous ideas (or finish half-started projects). I'm bitter that I have spread myself transparently thin for the sake of an opportunity that has potentially lead to a dead-end (and sacrificed quality time with my little family along the way).
Rotorua, New Zealand
Overall, I feel like I have a pretty negative attitude at the moment and I want it to stop. I want to have a gentle, quiet spirit and wait patiently for the Lord's faithfulness. I want to trust in His goodness and find comfort in knowing that my life is in His hands. But I am not going to get to that place, in my heart and soul, by telling myself to "think good thoughts" and "focus on positive things". I have to start living it out. That's it. There's no other option.
If I believe that the Lord is a good, faithful, and loving Father, who has knit me together according to his perfect design, and knows the deepest desires of my heart and longs to answer when I knock... then I need to live that out. When it's tough; when it's inconvenient; when I'm tired... I need to live it, breathe it, believe it, and eventually start to think it.
Mission Vineyard, Hawkes Bay, New Zealand
knock knock knockin'...
(oh, and I'm also fantasizing [again] about us packing up and moving to New Zealand...)