11.03.2011

{Soul Searching}Day31: what I've found.


Well, here it is folks.
The grand finale to my 31days of Soul Searching journey.
I hope you're cozy, this may take a while...

Like many of you who "challenged" along with me, I struggled with finding ways to put my thoughts and feelings into words as much of my time was spent actually doing things (projects around the house, job searching, investing in quality time etc.). So first, I want to apologize for my slacking and that so much of this challenge seemed to occur "behind the scenes" and only manifested itself in a few handfuls of posts. I also want to thank you for the encouragement I have received through your comments, emails, connecting with other fabulous bloggers, and of course- those who chose to "follow" me during the past month despite the somewhat chaotic stream of topics. I truly appreciate it. 

So I'm sure you're all just dying to know if I have anything to actually show for the past 31days...
First, I wanted to recap what I thought I was missing:

1. Focus
2. Organization
3. Motivation
4. Faith/Trust

"For 31days I am challenging myself to do some serious soul-searching... to focus, organize, work, motivate, and trust my way to where I know I need to be."


So here's what I've found:

1. Focus: I have a new focus for a career path! One that will seemingly combine several of my passions and interests and challenge me creatively, but also comes with an official grown-up title. However, it also will require an additional investment of time and money into school for a license/to get started so I am currently trying (hoping! HOPING!) to get a job as an assistant at a firm so I can get to know the industry a bit more and feel my way around so I know what I'm truly getting myself in to...
So what is this potential dream job?!?
 Real Estate! 

Eventually, I'd love to also offer staging and interior design/decorating consultation services to help people 'build' the place of their dreams. The wheels are already spinning, so I am just hoping and praying (and applying, obviously!) to find a good fit for a job that will allow me to get my foot in the door soon! 

How else am I supposed to land my own show on HGTV?!

2. Organization: {warning: long answer}. This is an all-inclusive category- physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually-and it seems to simply be an indefinite process of de-cluttering. Physically, I have been trying to bring new life into the space around me by drawing some inspiration from photos and articles I've collected over time. We all know how paralyzing it can be when you feel uninspired by the spaces you spend the most time in, so I made it a point invest in DIY projects and mini-updates to help bring some creative touches to some of the rooms in our home. (And I'm not done yet! Sorry Dan...) 
A lot of the emotional/mental "clutter" I have been sorting through ultimately revolved around my job search, which has been an exhausting, totally unexpected ordeal.

  Here's an embarrassingly true fact: Since last November I have applied to over 60 different jobs. 60 cover letters, 60 re-vamped resumes, 60 emails/snail mails/online applications... 60 jobs that I wanted and knew I would be perfect for if only given a chance.
Yet, I am still waiting for my turn. Obviously, I know that in this economy: there are people who lost their jobs and have been looking for work for a few years... but anyone who has struggled with unemployment knows how time consuming and draining it can be to feel like you're just lost in the shuffle of piles of resumes. 
So, I made an effort to "de-clutter" the mental and emotional baggage of my job-searching process; to not dwell on the "wasted" time/energy or the negative feelings that stem from disappointment in myself; to not forget to take advantage of the time I have in the meantime. Which leads to:

3. Motivation: I have been motivated, to make the most of my time each day, by the fact that this season of my life -in one way or another- will not last forever. It will not. I also have to accept that with each application, I have done all that I really can do and a lot of this process is simply waiting-it-out. So while I wait: I craft. I cook. I create. I play. I relax. I lunch. I seek inspiration. I simply be. I love feeling productive and rewarded by the time and energy I am investing into things that I truly love but have neglected over the past few years. The more I do, the more motivated I feel... like with exercising, once I get into a creative groove I am more likely to keep going... kinetics. It's science, y'all. 

4. Trust: Oh if only this were as easy as making ruffly curtains (well, those were kind of a pain, too) ... but having faith in a season of so many "unknowns" has been difficult to say the least, but I have been increasingly conscious of the state of my faith throughout the past month. I have been trying to turn my focus towards God in all of this... spending more time actually praying about this process and reflecting on why I may be where I am in the first place. "Duh" you may be thinking... I know I am... but why do I insist on being so dang stubborn? I love being in control. I love getting what I want...when I want it. I love having all of my expectations met. I love feeling content, and proud, that I made the right choices. 
Faith is accepting the total opposite. Trust is believing that God's way is better.
Joy is what I know can come from the former two decisions. 
I want that.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"
Romans 12:12

but gosh dang, it's hard

So it seems the past 31days were just the tip of the iceberg glacier that remains of my soul-searching process. The challenge was definitely the push I needed to get started... the reality is that I'm still not sure where I'm going! 

at least... you all know where to find me! 


.:. have a beautiful Thursday sweet souls! .:.





1 comment:

Erin said...

I love that verse in Romans! It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now and God is going to truly bless you! It's so hard to trust God completely but it is the only way to go! :)