12.16.2011

Five minute Friday {at} TheGypsyMama!

This morning I spent a few good hours blog hopping, swooning over dreamy DIY ideas, and sipping several cups of coffee. I found so many fabulously creative ladies that I am hoping to get to know better as I follow them into the new year. I also came across a link party happening here, at the GypsyMama. She simply asks partyers to:
    1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.
    2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
    3. Most important: visit, comment, encourage the person before you.
The theme: Connected.

What a neat idea! I am guilty of over-editing,thinking, and backtracking each time I go to post...so I thought I would give it a go... 

My 5 Minutes starts...
NOW!

I didn't sleep well last night. My husband and I were sitting on the couch talking about how I was feeling about starting real estate school in January. I started to cry, then slipped into melt-down mode. I don't know if I can fully explain everything I've been feeling but the past year of unemployment (and my quest for a job) has been an absolute roller coaster. After graduating college last December, I was so excited to start pursuing my dream careers- anything in a creative industry like event planning, marketing, visual design, interior design, etc.. I was hopeful, anxious, and eager. After applying to over 75 jobs without even a single call in response, my bubble has all but deflated. I never imagined I would have had trouble finding a job. I have a perfect employment track record. I am loyal and motivated and I value the lasting relationships I've maintained with previous employers and coworkers. But the reality is that things have not worked out as planned. A few weeks ago I started to consider real estate school and attended a few career events. I am torn. Part of me finds the prospect of having my own business, being able to interact with people, and the ability to use my creative skills exciting, but the other side is fearful of the "image" I have in my mind of who and what I would need to become. A saleswoman. A cardboard cut-out. A smiling, pant-suit clad agent. I fear I would compromise my personal identity- my personal style as an artist. I feel in a way that it's a fall-back, since my original plans of getting any of the 75 jobs I applied to didn't work out. So I started crying, and Dan didn't really know what to say. I started explaining how when most people graduate college they have the ability to move home until they get their footing, or use their local friends and relatives as resources, or look for jobs across the entire country- or even the world. For me, I am looking within a 10mile radius of our home in Denver, where the only "contacts" I have are friends from college, teachers, and previous employers- who I've thoroughly solicited for references. I am just feeling exhausted, disappointed, and frustrated with this situation. I am scared of not finding something I enjoy doing and being a burden to my husband who has supported us for the past year. I am tired of answering the same questions "have you thought of this? What about this? Did you try this?" and trying to pretend I'm super positive that the right thing will work out. At the moment, I just don't know if it will... what is the girl with dreams of a career and all of the creative passion in the world -but no way of channeling it into a paycheck to do?
Phew.

Well, that was a lot. Like an express journal entry; word vomit in fast-forward. If you got through that, thank you- and I'm sorry for the inevitable grammatical errors. I'm obviously running on a lack of sleep and yet decided to try and share a bit my roller coaster from the past year in 5 minutes. Welp...there it is, for what it's worth. As far as the "connected" element... I guess I am feeling DISconnected to the person I thought I would be a year ago, but feeling MORE connected to who I believe I want to become, and CONNECTING to inspiring, encouraging ladies through my blog has been a huge factor in helping me discover those things- for that I am so thankful!

On a happy note, I am excited to read the posts from some of the other party-goers today!
I wish you all a wonderful, restful weekend and a whole lot of laughter!!
xoxoxo
hailey




5 comments:

Val said...

Oh... What a hard place to be in. It's sooo hard when all of the 'It will all work outs' that get slapped on us in these situations just DON'T. I pray that God will start putting things into place and take you out of this desert waiting place.

MacKensie said...

I know exactly how you feel. I have been struggling with many of these same themes. As a journalism graduate (in May) there were zero jobs available (at least in FL or anywhere I can afford to live). It's so stressful and I also am returning to school next month to pursue a health career and I ask myself the same questions about sacrificing my creativity for a pay check, etc. Anyway, you are not alone and I am so glad that you shared this part of your life with your readers. Good luck and keep us posted.

xo

MacKensie

Beckie said...

Hmm I can't help but be reminded of a situation that I saw on the show Little People, Big World (stay with me on this--there's a point!) Zach Roloff, a little person, was asked to play a leprechaun in a parade--it was something like $300 for 3 hours or something. Awesome right? Well, he was having some moral dilemmas because obviously the average height world likes to make fun of little people because of how they look and he felt like this job might enforce that. He asked his dad and his dad said that while he doesn't believe in it necessarily, he knows of many little people who have agreed to such jobs to put food on their tables. And in the end I think that that's what your situation comes down to. By becoming a realtor, you're not "selling out" or losing your flare if you need the money. It doesn't have to be forever right? Just for right now while you need it. And if you really and truly dislike it once you try it, it's not do or die--you can leave and still be happy that you're not stuck in a job you hate. : ]

That was a long comment, sorry! I tend to publish blogs in Laura's (Violet Bella) comment box too. : /

I also graduated recently-May. Had a summer job and have been relaxing since--not seeing many jobs for me to apply to in the meantime (having a Sociology degree in engineering city (San Jose) doesn't leave me much choice.) So yeah, don't worry--you're not alone! : ]

P.S.-I didn't see a single grammatical error!

Kate said...

Hi Hailey, I found you through the Casey Leigh linkup and your blog hit home for me for several reasons: 1) I live in Colo. (currently Fort Collins, but formerly downtown Denver), 2)we have much of the same interests and 3) I completely understand your struggle to find work. My husband and I went back to college 2 years ago. I graduate this May, and I'm scared to death. I'm a journalism major and magazine editor hopeful, but I have no idea where I'll be able to get a job in Colorado. It's so competitive here. I worked at The Knot in NYC last summer and have a lot of experience, but I am still sooo scared about the market when I graduate. I'm married and 30, so I also can't go back to live at home. Anyway, I pray you find something soon! If I hear of anything fantastic in your neck of the woods, I'll definitely send you a link!

Erin said...

Praying that God gives you direction sweetie! :)