~for I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord; plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ~
I would be lying if I said I didn't love a good plan.
I daydream about details, make lists, and mull things over in my mind.
While a sense of spontaneity adds an element of surprise to situations, I like feeling prepared as much as possible. I love to research places and things months in advance. This would explain things like the 8-page itinerary I typed out for our 10-day trip to Ireland or the binders filled with photos and lists while planning our wedding. Each time I would move to a new apartment, I used to sketch layouts of my room and virtually plan where furniture would go.
Part of me just believes that the more I plan, wait, hope, and prepare for something the more I will be able to enjoy it when it happens.
Honestly, I like to feel like I'm in control and when things don't fall in place I get anxious.
Last night I started worrying about little things that ultimately pushed me into panic mode.
-Jobs, money, house, travelling, family, pets, projects-
As I lay in bed I felt like the walls were closing in around me.
I literally had the thought "our lifestyle just isn't conducive to surprise!"
Sometimes I just worry about not being ready or not being able to do the things we've planned.
Maybe I'm not crazy, but it's selfish and silly, and I know that others are able to embrace unexpected changes with grace.
I need to learn how to do this.
Just so I'm prepared for surprises...